Original and revised

It's been forever since I've posted something, eh? Well, I am now going to post something. So yay!

I had to write a poem for my Creative Writing class that brought two things "into conversation" that normally aren't. What my teacher meant by that was to somehow put together two images that seem unrelated or just different. Later on, we had to choose a piece to revise for a portfolio. This "conversation" piece was the hardest one for me, so I figured it could also probably use the most revision. I'll post both (original, then revised) here for you to see. (Oh yeah, for the revised one, the two stanzas are supposed to be side by side but I don't know how to make columns on this blog, so I'll just post one to the left and one to the right and let you try to picture it, lol). I definitely like the revised one a lot more, and I believe my teacher will agree. Without further ado, the pieces!

ORIGINAL:

The Calm after the Storm after the Storm

You sit together,
Tiny blue circles fall
Faces burning red hot
One by one, hitting everything
With blame and anger,
With all their might.
But most of all, regret;
They cover over all
Every muscle aching with
Washing away the dirt,
Echoes of “I’m sorry,”
Washing away the pain,
As the flames fade away.
Washing away every blemish of this earth,
Without a word,
Until all you can see is puddles,
You tell each other
Clear and calm,
How okay it all really is.
Vacant and redeeming.
A September calm has replaced
A fresh start.
Your blistering, July hearts.


REVISED:


Steam

You sit together
Faces burning red hot
With blame and anger,
But most of all, regret.
Echoes of “I’m sorry”
Begin to rise in your throats.
As the flames fade away,
You tell each other,
Wordlessly,
How okay it all really is.
A September calm has replaced
Your blistering, July hearts.

Tiny blue circles tumble down
One by one, hitting everything,
Relentless in their watery strength.
They pound on every building,
Person, and piece of land,
Washing away the dirt,
The filth,
Every blemish of this earth,
Until all you can see are puddles.
Vacant and redeeming,
They are perfect for childlike splashing
With a well-loved friend.

Steam rises and wisps away.
A fresh start.

There you have it, finally something new from me. I'm really loving my Creative Writing class, so I think I'll be posting some more from it as I find pieces that I really like. Maybe I'll write a story at some point! :D

♥

At the end of this semester (or maybe earlier but don't get your hopes up), I might be scanning in some of my drawings from my Drawing 1 class. I'm a total drawing noob, so hopefully no one will make fun of me, but yeah. Just thought I'd tell you that and oh yeah, I am not dead at this point in time. :)